Healthy & unhealthy behaviours in teenage relationships

In order to have happy and meaningful relationships we need to be able to recognise healthy and unhealthy behaviours.

Think of a relationship like a pie: for it to work, you need a few key ingredients! These include:

Honest communication

Open, honest and safe communication is a fundamental part of a healthy teenage relationship. That means you need to:

• Talk to each other
• Be honest with yourself about how you feel
• Try to speak up if something is bothering you
• Respect what each of you have to say – that might mean sometimes agreeing to disagree

Healthy boundaries

Learning to have healthy limits or boundaries is fundamental when it comes to enjoying positive relationships. A game without rules would be very confusing – relationships work in the same way and need rules, too. Not strict rules like at school, but reasonable and safe agreements on how to behave towards each other.

Having healthy boundaries means that your relationship shouldn’t prevent you from:

• Spending time with your friends
• Enjoying hobbies you like
• Having privacy when you want it

Trust

A positive relationship is one where you both feel equal and respect one another. That means:

• Trusting each other
• Giving each other the benefit of the doubt

For example, being in a romantic relationship shouldn’t mean that you can’t spend time with, or speak to, friends of the opposite sex.

Respect

The wishes and feelings of everyone in a relationship have value. Some healthy behaviours that contribute to a respectful teenage relationship are:

• Making an effort to understand each other’s point of view
• Avoiding insults
• Not putting each other down

Compassion

By giving each other reassurance and encouragement, you can feel safe and secure in your relationships. You can show kindness and compassion by:

• Being supportive of one another’s goals and dreams
• Listening to the other person's views, especially when things are difficult

So, what sort of unhealthy behaviours should you try and avoid in teenage relationships?

Power and control

A negative relationship is one that is based on power and control, rather than equality and respect. In an unhealthy relationship you might feel:

• Pressured to do things that you don’t want to do
• That you can’t do the things that you used to enjoy
• That you can’t be with some of your friends or family because your partner is being unreasonably jealous

Disrespect

Disrespect is not OK and it’s an unhealthy behaviour that should be avoided in a relationship. It can be shown by:

• Making fun of the other’s opinions and interests
• Destroying something that belongs to the other
• Making the other feel bad about themselves
• Yelling at the other

Using physical force

Using physical force is never acceptable in any relationship.

Remember: it’s never OK for anyone to hurt you, with or without intent. If you feel unsafe you can take steps to protect yourself.

Dependence

It’s great to enjoy being with each other but if one of you feels that you “cannot live without” the other or threatens to do something drastic if the relationship ends, that’s a sign of an unhealthy relationship.

You should try to keep some time for yourself to cultivate your own interests and friendships, even if you are in a romantic relationship.